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I am praying that the Lord give me the right words to say to adequately express how blessed I am feeling right now.

This morning I woke up feeling out of sorts. I felt cranky and ugly. I didn’t want to feel that way; I mean, who does? Today would have been my brother Joseph’s 51st birthday. This time last year we were with him, celebrating the fact that he made it to 50. It was such a special birthday for him as he had been battling cancer for a while and had come close to death more than once. He was so excited that he hit the half century mark. I expected to wake up feeling nostalgic mixed with a little happy and a little sad, but all I felt was irritation at seemingly everything.

I sat in front of the front window hoping that today I might get a picture of a blue jay for this post. You see, Joseph’s favorite bird was the blue jay and I wanted to dedicate this post to him. I have taken other pictures of blue jays, but, they, like the cardinals, have been a little more elusive. The slightest movement detected and they fly away. Occasionally, I would see the one blue jay up in the trees or doing a flyby but I hadn’t seen the second blue jay for quite some time. I assumed she might be sitting on her nest. I didn’t hold out too much hope but any hope I did have quickly dissipated by the squirrels as they decided that eating the bird’s food wasn’t enough today. They seemed determined to keep the birds away altogether. I was already feeling irritable but now I was really feeling frustrated and ugly. I got down on my knees and prayed while I listened to some of my favorite praise and worship music.

I prayed that the Lord would touch and renew my heart. I needed the Lord to move in my heart to help me move past what I was feeling. I felt pretty certain that Joseph would care less about the blue jay than the state of my heart. I knew I couldn’t bring myself to write this post with my heart in the state it was in. I continued to pray and sing till I felt renewed. Afterwards, I decided it would probably be best if I just went back through my files and choose some of the older pictures. I sat in front of the computer and started going through my photo galleries when I looked out the window just as both the blue jays came in for a landing. I could and couldn’t believe it! I got my heart right with the Lord and he blessed me with such a wonderful and special gift. I do mean the blue jays but even more than that, His presence. I was originally going to write about what a wonderful and godly man my brother was and what an impact he had on my life, but this actually honors him as a person more. Joseph wouldn’t want to be the one elevated. He was always quick to give all glory to the Lord for anything recognized as good in or about him. Joseph always wanted to the focus to remain where it truly belonged which was on the Lord.

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 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. James 1:17 NASB

Create in me a  clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10